There aren’t enough good single men left at the moment in New York City. It seems like that’s what everybody tells us. When Deanna* moved to the city in late 2021 and was able to check if there was any truth in the claim. Newly single after their boyfriend for 3 years broke up with her through Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. At this point, that a secret Facebook group called Is You Dating The Same Guy NYC was launched as a suggested follow. The group offered a thorough prescreen survey as well as guidelines for community members that were a bar to entry. It also had at 43,000 active members. Deanna was interested and so she enrolled.
The community
The group was founded in the exact purpose of helping women verify whether their loved ones were seeing other people-was started in March 2022. Nearly every major US city has a similar group today and the rules are clear: Anyone is allowed to post anonymously, no doxxing or posting sensitive information or in any way screenshots be deleted from the group. No bullies, no victim-blaming or hateful remarks. Never inform a man that he’s been included in the group. In the wake that of West Elm Caleb, a man with whom many women in New York shared negative dating experiences and made connections on the internet, it was apparent that many women were looking to find a way to seek out other people who were like him.Read here https://datingfortodaysman.com/ At our site A TikTok user mused at the time This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
This is essentially the way this group was in the year Deanna joined. Every iteration of Are We Dating the Same Guy serves as a space for women looking for dating advice or share their concerns about a man with who they’ve had bad experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is, this practice that involves sending other women to entice them via social media-has also become common. It’s easy to fall into a hole of screenshots Hinge profiles, tales of hookups that went wrong, as well as memes on the challenges of modern day dating. Some of the most popular posts feature photos that show a man wearing his initials, requesting whether someone has matched or had a relationship with the person in question. The emojis in red are a common image on infrequent but alarming posts that warn of an ex or bad experience and are often accompanied by a downward arrow and the depressing wording See comments for more info.
The popularity of online dating has been a major factor in our options in recent years, with one recent study finding that almost 39 percent of heterosexual couples had met their partners online. It’s therefore natural that the social element of romance has to adapt to the new digital age. Instead of having a conversation with several friends over drinks or venting to coworkers, we’re now seeking the counsel of four thousand women who are experiencing similar-and in some cases precisely the same experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie an additional group member. Not to imply that there’s no privileges that exist however it was beneficial for me in terms of rethinking my perspective on dating. There’s nothing to do to other females, rather holding males to a higher standard than before.
It’s obvious to me, however, that certain behaviors which is encouraged and supported in Are We the Dating the Same Guy would be unsettling if they were displayed by prospective suitors. Images, the details of private conversations, and screenshots posted without the other party’s consent or knowledge are all over the internet. Social media users search for profiles on a frequent basis. It’s not hard for a date to get taken off the table. Though Deanna is a fan of being part of the group, she has some reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she declares. But I’m thinking you’ll get into a situation where it’s a echo chamber where men have repeatedly pushed us for so long that we’re going to pay it back.
We are still living in an unjust society
We are still an environment of patriarchy. Therefore, until we’re truly equal the online interactions will be different depending on the person’s history. Even so, can an online group of this kind really offer active empowerment on one side of the coin while committing reprehensible and inhumane on the other? Are We All Dating the Same Guy? It’s hyperlocal and interpersonal-only really useful for those who live and have a relationship in the city the group is based in. The women, as well as the men they profile may be your neighbors, coworker, friend, family member, or your most recent Hinge match. It’s the depersonalization inherent in operating on the internet, making it all feel like it’s a game. It’s not far-fetched to say this is objectifying to the dates in both of the groups. Especially when the details of private conversations, intimate interactions and even photos are being published without their knowledge or consent, often in the name of entertainment.